Hard To Say I'm Sorry
by theballadofmonalisa
Summary: "Stop. Apologizing! I've given so many chances to you." She let out a stifle sob before finally said, "Let's ju- Let's just break up." James/OC


_**Disclaimer: I do not own Big time rush**_**or anything mentioned except****Raven.**

It was cold. The chilly wind blew softly through Raven's hair, lightly breezing her face as she waited patiently outside the cinema. A shiver ran through her as another wind blew by and she wished she had brought a jacket with her.

The heels of her shoes clicked brusquely against the cool pavement in the crisp night air. Raven checked her watched for the seventh time before let out a heavy sigh. It was 10.03 o'clock.

_James should be here two hours ago_. She thought to herself.

A moment later, a huge crowd of people started to make their way out of the cinema. The movie has ended. The movie that Raven had planned to watch since two weeks ago is ruined; thanks to James of course. The black-haired girl clenched her fist until her knuckles turned white before huffed angrily, "Stupid James."

She reached her bag on pavement and slung it over her shoulder. As she was about to make her way back to her apartment, a voice called from behind her. "Raven, wait."

Rolling her eyes in annoyance, Raven turned around and saw James walking towards her. "Where are you going? I've told you to wait up for me." James said.

Raven crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at him, "Why are you late? You told me to wait you up at 8.45 pm and it's already a quarter past ten. I'm cold, angry and I have other things I could be doing rather than standing outside the cinema like a mad woman for the past two hours waiting for you."

James blinked his eyes once, twice before let out an annoyed sigh. "Stop whining Raven. I'm already here didn't I?" He said, digging into his pocket to fish out his lucky comb and started combing his hair.

_This is what Raven hated about her boyfriend, James Diamond. He never cares about anyone except his hair, his face and his body. Raven admits that James is a one hard-headed prick. He never apologizes nor admits his mistakes when he did something wrong._

She was fighting back the tears, but wasn't able to hold them back as fresh tears started to spill down her cheek.

James looked at his girlfriend with a panicked look before lowered his voice into a whisper. "Hey, hey. Don't cry. Shh." James gently cupped her face with both his hands and looked her straight in the eyes. "I-I'm sorry, Raven."

Raven looked at him in a silent shock. He wiped her last remaining tears away, took off his jacket and put in on her shoulders. "I promised I won't be late again, okay?"

_This is the first time James had said he was sorry to her._

"Wanna get some coffee?" James asked. Raven smiled softly and nodded. Both of them walked side by side to the coffee shop two blocks from the cinema.

"So, where's my birthday present?" Raven asked out of blue.

There was a moment of silence before James broke it. "I forgot to buy it." James answered plainly with a tinge of pink on his cheeks, which go unnoticed by Raven.

"Oh." Raven tried to sound apathetic but failed miserably.

James looked at his girlfriend, a concerned look on his face. Leaning in, James stole a quick kiss, "Don't sulk. I'll buy the present for you, later."

Raven blushed furiously before nodding slightly. James took her hands in his own and _l_aced their fingers together as they walked to the coffee shop.

Three years later.

Raven waited on the bench in the garden. Swinging her legs idly, she watched the ducks swam around in the pond. She waited patiently as second turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours.

"Raven, I am so sorry I'm late!"

_James kept on apologizing to Raven for the 45__th__ time. The feeling of worry and hesitation started to hit her stomach._

Raven slowly stood up from the bench that she had been sitting on for the last couple of hours.

"I'm really sorry, Ray. I've forgot that we had a date. Thank god, Logan reminded me though." James finished with an embarrassed laughed.

Her head snapped up to look at James. "You forgot?" she said ridiculously. "You forgot that we have a date?" Anger started to bubble up in her chest, "You know what, James? This is stupid, okay? I'm going home." She declared before started to walk away.

"Wait, Raven." James called, grabbing her hand and pulled her into his chest, "I'm sorry, Raven. Please don't be mad at me."

_Raven started to get sick with James' apologies. She knew, that this is not the right decision to keep on loving him._

Two years later.

_This is the 99__th__ time James apologized to Raven. She doesn't even remember what she had forgiven him every time he apologizes. She thought that this is the __consequences when she kept forgiving him_

Her eyes were closed as droplets of rain dripped down her dress. Her black hair was wet and plastered to her face but she paid no mind to it.

Her teeth began to chatter as she hugged herself, trying to warm her body a little bit. She continued to look down the pavement until a pair of dark blue converse stopped in front of her. Raven looked up and saw a grinning face of James. He was holding an umbrella in his right hand and his left hand was clutching a paper bag.

"Raven! Thank god, you're still here. I have works to do in the studio. Why didn't you bring an umbrella with you? Sor-" James was about to finish his sentence when Raven shut his mouth with her hands.

"Stop. Apologizing!" Raven screamed. The tears were now running down her cheeks, mixing with the raindrops, which were running down her hair and onto her face. "I've given so many chances to you." She let out a stifle sob before finally said, "Let's ju- Let's just break up."

The umbrella slipped off from his hand. James looked at her in shocked but quickly replaced it with a blank look.

"If you really don't want to change, stop troubling yourself with all the apology! You don't even care about me." Raven continued to speak even though she was sobbing.

_At that time, James was quiet. Very quiet._

_Five hours later_

5 hours has passed but James still hasn't called. Raven looked at her cell phone angrily.

_Stupid James! Why won't you call me! _She screamed inside her head.

Just then, her cell phone rung, and she angrily picked it up. "Damn you, James! Don't you care about me anymore? You stup-"

A voice cut her off "Raven, it's me."

Raven frowned, "Kendall?'

The blond guy on the other side of the phone laughed. "Yeah, it's me." Then his voice turned serious. "Hey, listen. I need you to come to the hospital now."

"What? Why?"

Kendall sighed before answering, "James was admitted to the hospital."

"He was what?" Raven screamed at the other side of the phone. Kendall grimaced, pulling his phone away from his ear.

She ran inside her room and grabbed her jacket. "I'll be there in two minutes." She said before ending the conversation.

"James!" Raven's voice rang inside the room. James opened his eyes and smiled when he saw Raven was walking toward him.

_Kendall, Logan and Carlos told Raven that James was admitted to the hospital because he was standing too long in the rain until he passed out. The doctor said he may be catching pneumonia._

James reached a familiar paper bag on the bedside table and gave it to Raven. "I-I've got a present for you." He said cheerfully although his voice crooked a little bit. "Don't worry; I didn't let it get wet from the rain."

Raven took the paper bag from James and looked inside of it. "A sweater?" she asked, confused.

"I thought I didn't have the chance to give it to you." James said. "It took me long enough to knit this sweater because I don't know what to give to you on your birthday."

Raven sat on the chair beside the bed as silent tears fell from her cheek.

"But I don't really know how to knit until I injured my hand with the knitting needle." James explained, showing his right hand that was full with bandage. "And you," James said as he looked at Raven. "You always change your fashion style, so it was hard for me to match the sweater with your style. I thought I want to surprise you but I didn't expect it to be done for 5 years.

Raven stood up from the chair abruptly and hugged him, sobbing in his arms. "Stupid James! You could have just buy me flowers or take me to a dinner. Why do you want to trouble yourself?"

James laughed, pulling away from our embrace. "Well, I'm sorry. I'm doing this because I want to prove it to you that I _do_ care about you."

Raven laughed, wiping the stray tears from her cheek, "Will you please stop apologizing, pretty boy." She said making James to laugh.

"Now kiss me already." She ordered. James smiled, "Yes Ma'am." And he obeyed.

At that point of time, Raven noticed that James had apologized to her for a hundred times. And she also realized that his apology for a hundred times represent his love to her.


End file.
